


Murder Feet

by DhampirsDrinkEspresso



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ascended Cats are Force Ghosts, Ascended Yoda, Calico Cat Phasma, Canonical Character Death, Corgi BB-8 (Star Wars), F/F, F/M, Fluff, Force Ghost Yoda (Star Wars), Grey Tabby Bazine, Grooming of the Furry Mammal Kind, Higher Plane, Implied Death of Pet, Implied Sexual Content, Just Add Kittens, Kittens, M/M, Millicent the Chosen One, Minor Character Death, Other, Reylo Story told by a Cat, Romance, Sphynx Cat Yoda, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:41:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29375823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DhampirsDrinkEspresso/pseuds/DhampirsDrinkEspresso
Summary: Bazine has it all-sleeping sweaters, fuzzy blankets, her human-Kylo-to open the food cans (even if he still doesn't know his own name or come when she calls him). She didn't realize anything was missing, until the lovely calico named Phasma and her human moved in next door. Bazine wants to stay with Phasma forever, but their humans may need some convincing.“Forgive her, please,” the calico said. “I’ve done my best, but she is only a human.”“Oh, I understand,” Bazine replied. “Mine hasn’t even learned his name. I don’t think he ever will, but he’s rather nice, for a human.”“Mine too,” the calico replied. “I’m Phasma, by the way. My human is Kira, Empress of the Known Galaxy.”“Lovely to meet you. I’m Bazine. My human, Kylo, Leader of the Knights of Ren, is at his play group for the day.”
Relationships: Bazine Netal/Phasma, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 46
Kudos: 110





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, yeah, me again. Writing slump is definitely over, and this is positively gooey fluff for the most part. Probably rated too high but I want to be able to include some cursing and innuendo if necessary...

Kylo was up again. Too early. It was still dark outside. Even Bazine was sleeping. Well…she had been.

She stretched, luxuriating for a moment and maybe letting out a happy purr of contentment. Kylo didn’t smell too bad most of the time, he fed her properly, knew exactly how to utilize those massive paws of his to make her feel nice, and provided her an endless supply of fuzzy blankets, things to scratch at, and cashmere sweaters to ruin. Really, his only flaw was that he wanted to get up too damn early.

Well, that and the fact that he never came when she called him.

She was starting to believe he’d never learn his own name.

Baz stretched again and hopped off the bed, stalking from the sleeping room (odd, that he only had one room for that—any room could be a sleeping room if you just, well, slept in it). She slipped quietly into the food room and approached from behind.

He didn’t seem to notice her.

She allowed herself a put-upon sigh and braced herself for a jump, landing neatly on the edge of the counter.

She looked at his mug and back to his face. That explained it. His hot, black water was still in the cup. She sniffed and let her nose make a delicate wrinkle. “Kylo, why do you even drink this? The litterbox smells better?”

“Yes, yes, meow, meow,” he mumbled before yawning and showing his blunt teeth and tongue that was just no good for grooming. He drank some of the dirty water and then reached out. “Morning to you too, Baz.” She leaned in and let him give her ear exactly one- and three-quarter strokes before giving herself a shake and jumping to the floor.

If he was finally drinking the dirty water, it was pet the human time. She wound around and between his ankles, making sure to slide her head, body, and tail against as much of him as possible, to let him know he was a good boy and she appreciated him—even if he didn’t know his own name well enough to come when she called him.

Clearly, he needed her. Humans just weren’t as smart as cats. It was a known fact.

“You’re getting fur all over my pants, Baz,” he said.

“Yes, you’re welcome,” she answered, before delicately lapping at one of her paws and using it to smooth the fur on her ears and the top of her head. He finished his drink (barbaric, picking it up and slinging it back that way instead of stretching out and delicately lapping up the liquid at leisure, but then he was only human and didn’t know any better) and opened the thing he called the “junk drawer” whatever that meant—she understood human, but it was still a silly language that sounded different everywhere. Fortunately, being the superior creatures, cats weren’t bothered by that and could translate easily. She watched as he used the sticky, rolly thing to brush at his pants and blinked a few times, trying to remember she shouldn’t be insulted—he just didn’t _understand_.

He moved to the cabinet under the wet place that she avoided at all costs and took out the flat, sealed bowl. She heard the pop and took a deep breath. Oh, the tuna one! She liked that one. She crept close and watched as he put the wet food into her bowl, supervising to be sure he did it correctly. “There you go, your highness,” he said.

“Good job human.” She let him pick her up and nuzzled into his chest. Silly human.

“See you tonight, Baz. Try not to get into trouble, please. Maz said there’s a new neighbor moving in today.”

She squirmed a bit, trying to look him in the eye, and he put her back on the floor. “New neighbor? No one cleared this with me.”

“Yes, yes, I love you too.” He put on the rest of his work clothes and took the sleeping box he insisted on keeping papers in and the tall, slim, covered bowl with more of his black water from the counter and left. She heard his keys jingle and then the steady thumping of his footsteps moving away.

She shook her head sadly. Her poor human would never understand. It was a good thing he had her to look out for him.

Bazine sniffed at her food, but the whole getting up early to pet the human interaction had exhausted her, so she decided (as per usual) to nap first. She’d eat after, then move to the window to bask in the worshipful glow of the sun, have another nap, and then maybe stretch out in front of the balcony door for a bit and watch for the flying things.

She’d get one someday.

She wasn’t sure what she’d do with it, but she _would_ get one…maybe she could give it to Kylo, because he was a decent enough human and she wanted him to know she appreciated that.

The noises woke her and she blinked a few times from her spot on top of the neatly folded sweaters arranged neatly on a shelf in the closet. Her silly human had forgotten to leave the door open for her, but at least he’d gotten the doors with a handle she could pull down. It had taken a few tries and she had been worried when one of her claws had snagged, but she got free and the door opened after that.

“No, this way, Poe, you have to turn!”

A human voice. Much higher than Kylo’s, but rather pleasant. It warranted investigation. Bazine hopped down, growling at the sweater that dared cling to her back leg, trying to pull her back. “Not now, I need to patrol and supervise.” She kicked at it for good measure and it stayed in place there on the floor. Actually, that wasn’t a bad plan. She’d come back for an afternoon nap there. “Stay there, sweater, don’t move.” It listened far better than Kylo.

Bazine approached the door cautiously, dipping down to watch the light and shadows underneath then lifting her head for a careful, hesitant sniff before flicking her tail and whiskers. “Excuse me? Humans? You’re quite noisy and disturbing my morning, pre-breakfast nap.”

There was some shuffling and the human from down the hall said “Meeee-ow.” She shook her head. What could she expect from a human owned by a canine? The silly dog had let his humans name themselves, after all. Silly names, too. Poe and Finn. But then, the dog insisted on going by “BB Ate.”

BB ate _what_ , exactly?

(Unfortunately, Bazine had learned the answer was, in fact, _everything_ ).

“Hear that, Phasma? You’ll have a new friend, right next door.”

The human female again. Bazine definitely liked her voice. And that smell…what was that smell? She leaned closer, nose tracing delicately along the tiny gap between the door and the wall. It almost smelled like…no! It couldn’t be!

“Hello? Excuse me?”

“Yes?”

“I…are you a calico?”

“I am. I’ve brought my human here to live with her kind. She gets lonely.”

“Oh, how cute, they’re chatting,” the female human said.

“Forgive her, please,” the calico said. “I’ve done my best, but she is only a human.”

“Oh, I understand,” Bazine replied. “Mine hasn’t even learned his name. I don’t think he ever will, but he’s rather nice, for a human.”

“Mine too,” the calico replied. “I’m Phasma, by the way. My human is Kira, Empress of the Known Galaxy.”

“Lovely to meet you. I’m Bazine. My human, Kylo, Leader of the Knights of Ren, is at his play group for the day.”

There was a series of shuffling noises and Phasma hissed from the other side of the door. “I’m so sorry, do forgive me, I have to go supervise before they hurt themselves or lose my favorite jingle ball.”

“I understand. I’m late on breakfast. Now my after-breakfast sun time will have to be cut short or my whole schedule is off for the day.” Phasma called a hasty goodbye and went to check on the humans she was supervising.

Bazine ate her breakfast and had the brilliant idea of combining her sunning time with her post-sunning nap, which not only got her day back on schedule but freed up seven minutes of trying to open the balcony door time. At just after five minutes, the door clicked and swing forward. The feathered things all went away, but that was okay. She didn’t have any catch a flying feathered thing scheduled today.

She stepped out onto the balcony and stretched. It was cool outside, and she wondered if she had time to get the red sweater she planned to nap on later and bring it outside. “Oh, hello again. Lovely to see you at last.”

Bazine jumped and turned. “Oh, hello Phasma. I didn’t smell you.”

“I know,” the calico said, rolling smoothly to the side and then onto her feet and stretching. Bazine stared. She was _lovely_ , mostly white with blonde and golden tan patches, except for one tiny, dark smudge on the side of her nose, and eyes a molten gold like sunlight. “I’m upwind.” Phasma walked to the edge of her balcony, pressing her face against the gap in the railing.

Bazine crept slowly forward, in awe of the feline goddess in front of her. She wanted to _groom_ Phasma so badly she was shaking.

“Oh, you are _lovely_ ,” Phasma purred. “I have a weakness for tabbies—especially grey ones with green eyes.”

Bazine found herself purring in response. “I…Phasma, may I—”

“Would you like to come over?” Phasma interjected. “There’s a lovely patch of sunlight and my human gave me cushions and a fuzzy blanket.”

Bazine was over the railing before she finished saying yes.

They stared at one another, whiskers taut and trembling, before slinking closer, both purring as they rubbed and scented one another. “Oh, you smell positively divine!” Bazine purred before she could stop herself.

“No, no dear, you do,” Phasma insisted. “May I…no, never mind, entirely too forward,” Phasma grumbled, taking a step back. She was still purring and Bazine was willing to agree to anything as long as the lovely calico would stay close.

“No, ask, please, whatever it is. I promise I won’t think it rude.”

Phasma blinked, long and slow, and Bazine had never been so happy she was a cat covered in fur and not a practically naked human, because she knew her skin would have been bright and hot.

“I just…it’s only…”

How sweet. She was nervous. Bazine purred harder and stepped forward until they were touching again.

“I…Bazine I know we only just met, but…well, I would very much like to…that is to say…oh, bollocks! Bazine the lovely grey tabby, may I please groom your ears and the back of your neck.”

“I thought you’d never ask!”

The two felines spent a delightful afternoon snuggling on the fuzzy blanket, grooming one another, and tugging at the low hanging fern on a small table. Phasma even shared her favorite jingle ball, the bell inside it only slightly larger than the shiny one on her lovely collar.

Bazine was in love. She was never leaving Phasma’s side.

“Damn it, Baz! Not again!” Bazine sniffed. Clearly, Kylo had no appreciation for all the effort she put in to maintaining her schedule and caring for him. She heard his steps thumping ever closer and sighed, leaning against Phasma a little more heavily as he stepped out onto the balcony.

Oh, he had her sleeping sweater! Maybe he’d realized she forgot it earlier.

“There you are, damn furball!”

“Oh, my, he is a big one,” Phasma said, before biting lightly on Bazine’s ear. “How _ever_ do you manage?”

Bazine sighed, glad _someone_ finally understood her. “He takes so much looking after. It’s exhausting, really.”

There was a sound beside them, and the balcony door opened. “Phasma, are you ready to—oh, hello! You must be Ben. I’m Rey,” Phasma’s human said.

Phasma sighed and pressed her face into Bazine’s side in her embarrassment. “All this time, and she still doesn’t even know her own name,” she muttered.

The humans were still talking, but Bazine focused on comforting Phasma, grooming the back of her neck and purring.

“Ah, that one’s mine,” she heard Kylo say, and suddenly Phasma’s human was picking her up, hands gentle and soft. She smelled nice, a little like Phasma and a lot like sweat. Bazine let out a rumbling purr of approval as Kira cuddled her close and cooed down at her and gave her pets at exactly the right speed and pressure.

“Can you teach him that?” she asked Kira, before turning her head to find Phasma watching them with interest and affection. “I swear, Phas, if I didn’t already know she belonged to you I would adopt this one too.”

Phasma seemed to be thinking. “Maybe you can…” she called, as Kira passed Bazine into Kylo’s waiting arms over the balcony railing. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Baz!” was the last thing Bazine heard before Kylo closed the balcony door and carried her inside, mumbling his thanks for all the fur she’d left on the sleeping sweater.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bazine and Phasma continue trying to get their humans mated, but the pair just don't seem to understand how to properly go about such matters.
> 
> _“Did you see, Baz? Last night before Kira took me away, they…I think they were grooming one another!” Phasma’s eyes shown with an inner light in her excitement._
> 
> _“Yes, Dear One,” Bazine purred. “They’ve been petting one another more often, as well. Last night, when they were making the stringy human food, Kira was giving him the good back scratches, like she does around our ears. And Kylo was petting her hair and scenting her when they watched the glowbox!”_   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, maybe a third chapter, then? I am apparently having too much fun to finish this one in two installments.

True to her word, Phasma did see Bazine the next day.

And the next.

And the one after that.

Every day, they managed to get together, usually on one of the balconies. Phasma bragged that her human was smarter, because Kira remembered to open the balcony door every morning before she went to her playgroup, “Work.”

Baz wondered if it was the same one Kylo attended. After all, it had the same name…but that didn’t make sense. They didn’t smell the same when they came home after.

No wonder humans were so confused all the time, using the same word or sound to mean different things.

It was as bad as Kira and Kylo’s insistence on calling one another Rey and Ben.

They were so fortunate to have found Phasma and Bazine to take care of them.

Bazine stretched and yawned, kneading the rug in front of her a bit before resettling beside Phasma on the fuzzy blanket Kira kept on the balcony for them. Silly human kept folding it up and hanging it on the back of a chair where one couldn’t possibly lie on it. Phasma tutted affectionately every morning as she and Bazine pulled it down and scratched, batted, and kneaded the lumps into submission before their daily snuggles.

“I really am working on training her properly,” Phasma lamented. “She figured out the door, but the blanket’s been difficult. She does the same thing with the one on the couch. I have to remind her she needs it when she stares at the noisy glowbox at night.”

“Oh, don’t fret, Darling,” Bazine said, leaning in and bumping their heads together. “Kylo still forgets to even leave the closet door open, never mind the balcony, but at least Kira’s shown him he should have a fuzzy blanket for glowbox cuddle time. I’ve been telling him for years but he just didn’t understand until he saw her do it.”

“True,” Phasma admitted, rolling onto her back and stretching, lovely claws flashing in the mid-morning sunlight as she wiggled her back against the blanket and then sat upright.

“Did you see, Baz? Last night before Kira took me away, they…I think they were _grooming_ one another!” Phasma’s eyes shone with an inner light in her excitement.

“Yes, Dear One,” Bazine purred. “They’ve been petting one another more often, as well. Last night, when they were making the stringy human food, Kira was giving him the good back scratches, like she does around our ears. And Kylo was petting her hair and scenting her when they watched the glowbox!”

Both cats had jumped up and were stalking around the small balcony excitedly, purring and meowing and yowling their excitement.

It may have been the slightest bit undignified, but there wasn’t anyone around to witness it.

“Hi, Bazine! Hi, Phasma!”

 _Well, no one who mattered, anyway,_ Baz thought to herself before turning to the balcony on the corner. “Hello, BB,” she said, glaring at the bouncy canine. “What are you doing over there?”

“Oh, oh boy, so cool! My humans! My humans went! They went on VAY-CAY-SHUN! Yeah, yeah, they went and I was sad but Mr. Snap gave me bacon!”

Phasma growled and turned her back, grooming herself and grumbling quietly about absurd canines.

Bazine flopped onto her side and closed her eyes most of the way, glaring through her narrowed lids at the ridiculous Corgi. “And how long are your humans away, BB? How long will you be gracing us with your odiferous, drooling presence?”

“A week! A whole week! Can you believe! A whole week!” He stopped yipping and tilted his head to one side, apparently trying to think and clearly at a disadvantage being a canine. “Uh, Baz? What’s a week?”

Bazine sighed and rolled back to her feet. “Too long, BB, a week is too long.” She hopped back to her balcony and stalked inside with a flick of her tail. “Sorry, Beebs, time for my next inside nap.”

BB whined before turning his attention to Phasma. “Hey! Hey, Phas! Guess what!”

Bazine poked her head back out. “Sorry, Phas has to come with me. We have a schedule to keep, you know.”

“Oh, yeah, yeah, I know! A schedule! Oh boy!”

Clearly, he absolutely did _not_ know (not that she expected a canine would).

The week dragged by after that point. Having BB only a balcony over was distracting and completely disrupted their schedule, but he did occasionally say something useful or at least somewhat amusing.

Such as the morning he kept yip-yapping about something called rings, which if Bazine understood correctly, was the human sound for the little hand-collars they wore on their fingers sometimes, the shiny ones that made clinking noises against things.

Kylo’s mother had some…they weren’t altogether unpleasant during pets either…

Hm…

Hand collars meant humans stayed together.

If Kylo and Kira got hand-collars, perhaps they would realize they should all live in the same space, and then she and Phasma could spend as much time together as they wished.

She turned to Phasma, ready to tell her about the brilliant realization that had absolutely nothing to do with the babbling canine, but was interrupted before she got the chance.

“Oh! My! Dog! What is THAT?” BB yelled. “Who are you? What are you? Why are you naked? Aren’t you cold?” He just kept going, bouncing up and down on the Wexley/Connix balcony. Bazine sent a half-serious hiss in the dog’s direction and turned to face the railing on the other side.

“Greetings, Master Yoda. Haven’t seen you much lately.”

The aged Sphynx cat blinked at her in return greeting, adjusting his position on the railing of Bazine’s balcony. He’d earned his title as one of the few cats whose human actually knew their own name. Well, mostly. Luke, Magic Walker of Stars and Sky, had mistranslated and simplified his name as Luke Skywalker, but it was still the closest Baz had ever reliably heard of a human getting.

“This is my—this is Phasma,” Baz continued, glancing away as she pretended she hadn’t almost slipped up in her introduction (not that it made a difference).

Master Yoda dipped his head Phasma’s way and made a somewhat wheezy purr. “Ah, to be young and in love,” he said.

“It is lovely,” Phasma agreed, rolling to her feet and moving closer to the railing to more easily converse with the elder feline.

“We’ve been trying to get our humans mated but they are being most frustrating about the matter.”

Master Yoda made another wheezing sound (or maybe he was just breathing). “Grooming one another? Are they yet?”

“A bit,” Bazine purred, moving to sit beside Phasma so that their sides almost touched but not quite, fur barely brushing with each breath.

“Valid sign,” he rumbled, “promising. Slow about these things, humans are. It’s the intellect. Not as bright as we. Know better, they do not.”

Bazine and Phasma both bowed their heads in agreement. It was a little confusing, unraveling his meandering statements, but then he was very old and had enjoyed quite a bit of catnip over the years. His human was probably overly-generous with that, in fact, but if anything it had helped him transcend to the highest levels of feline power and understanding.

Idly, Bazine wondered if it was the catnip that made Luke so much smarter than the average human.

How could she slip some to Kylo?

Wait! Perfect!

She darted into the home space she shared with her human and to the big cold food box. She leaned down for a hesitant sniff and…yes, still there. Now if she could just…maybe…

Bazine wiggled and stretched, sticking her front paws under the food box and flexing them, extending her claws as far out as possible.

So close!

Maybe if she…

“Bazine? Darling? Have you lost your senses?”

“No, no.”

_Stretch._

“Just…”

_Flex._

“Trying to…”

_Calibration butt wiggle._

“Reach…”

_Stretch._

“Oh, beaver houses!”

She pulled back and sat up, staring mournfully at the cold food box.

“Beaver houses?”

Bazine shook her head. “Something my human says sometimes when he’s frustrated. I don’t understand it, but it did make me feel a smidge better.”

“Why are you frustrated, Love?”

“Because I can’t reach my emergency catnip mouse. It’s under there. I can smell it, but it’s too far.”

Phasma licked the back of Bazine’s neck a few times and chewed one of her ears for a moment. “That is indeed a problem, but why, exactly, do you need it _now_.”

Bazine explained her brilliant realization and Phasma stared in awe for a moment. “I think you may be the smartest tabby I have ever met,” she rumbled before hunkering down and pressing her nose right up to the gap at the bottom of the food box.

They were still there, discussing the best approach, when Kylo came home. He hung his keys on the hook by the door and kicked off his shoes, before staring at the open balcony door and shaking his head (probably feeling bad he had forgotten again and Bazine had to open it herself).

“Human! Come here!” Phasma called. “We need the thing and it’s under!”

“Yes! Kylo, come. Move the food box! Fetch the mouse, please!”

“What _are_ the two of you going on about? Lose another bread tie? Chasing bugs? Hm?”

Kylo scooped Bazine into his arms and massaged the back of her neck. She stretched up, nose almost touching his.

“Kylo.”

“What, Baz?”

“Kylo, the thing!”

“You’re really mouthy today.”

She huffed in frustration and Phasma started winding in and out between his ankles, pushing with all her strength, calling up at him, “Come on, human. This way. Almost there. We need the mouse.”

“What? Are you jealous? You want attention, too?” Kylo gently put Bazine down and leaned down to rub Phasma’s ears.

“Yes, thank you,” Phas purred, “That is indeed lovely, but We. Need. The. Mouse. Oh, that’s nice, you may do that again. Wait, no! Catnip mouse!”

“It’s no use, Phas, he just doesn’t understand. Maybe we can try again once Kira comes for feeding time.”

The felines snuggled up in the corner, dozing as Kylo went about settling in for the evening and setting up to prepare some of the odd human food he and Kira seemed to like so much, with not a bit of liver or fish to be found.

Oh well, no accounting for taste.

They tried again after the humans had been fed, but to no avail. Back to the hand-collars it was, then. Now where…oh, yes, right! Bazine hurried to the chair and wiggled into the back, until she could get inside to her treasure room. Hm…jingle ball with no bell…three cricket legs (ha! Showed them! They wouldn’t be disturbing her naps anymore!)…bread tie—maybe, but only if she couldn’t find—YES! She claimed her prizes and began backing out of the chair, only to find herself stuck half way.

It was very undignified, her bum and tail sticking out at an angle…she didn’t want anyone to—

“Bazine, Darling, are you well?”

“Oh, yes, of course, Phasma, Love. Just, you know, checking on the treasure stash in the chair cave.”

“Dearest, I understand it’s a bit…delicate, shall we say, but…are you…stuck?”

“Of course not! How silly! No, just…my butt was hot!”

“Well, yes, it always is, but my lovely one, you can tell me the truth.”

Baz wiggled and squirmed for all she was worth, before letting out a pitiful cry. “What the—DAMMIT BAZ!” Kylo roared, and she slumped flat in her relief as she heard him approaching.

“Oh, beaver houses, yes, exactly Kylo!”

“I thought we fixed that,” Kira said, apparently joining Kylo at the chair.

“So did I…not well enough, apparently.” It sounded like Kylo was kneeling on the floor, and she could hear Phasma ordering Kira to rescue her from the chair thing. Then Kylo’s hand was on her back and the cloth on the back of the chair was moving. “Gonna have to tear the upholstery again. Can’t raise the footstool without crushing her,” Kylo muttered.

“She doesn’t seem physically hurt,” Kira observed, “I can run and get my toolbox and we can just take out the tacks and cut the seam, make it easier to repair.”

“I…yeah, okay,” Kylo said, and Kira walked away, Phasma calling after her human to come back and save her mate.

Kylo’s hand moved on Bazine’s back, making the soothing circle pets that felt so good, even though they did make a terrible mess of her fur. “It’s okay, baby, we’ll get you out, but I need you to not panic,” her human rumbled softly, the closest sound he could make to a purr while awake. Not panic? What did he mean, not panic? She was _stuck_ with her bum unprotected.

It was terrible.

Tragic.

Oh, he was scratching, too, that was nice. She relaxed into the touch and found herself purring in response.

“I’m back,” Kira called, and there was a rattling sound as she walked through the room. “I think, just one or two of the tacks. See, she’s pulled out all but the top ones we added for reinforcement.”

What were tacks?

There was some shuffling and a groaning from the chair that made her tense and flinch. “Hold still, Baz,” Kylo said, starting the circle pets again. “You’re almost out but if you move too much it might hurt you.”

There was more shuffling, a popping sound, and then she was curled in Kylo’s arms, Phasma darting in to check on her. “Oh, Darling, my love, I thought you would be stuck there forever! Please never leave me again!”

Baz meowed pitifully, unable to express herself properly after the ordeal. Her prizes fell from her mouth, landing on the floor beside Kira. “Hair ties and a milk ring,” Phasma’s human said. “At least we know what she was after. If she’s anything like Phas, she has toys and things stashed in there, under the stove and refrigerator, and possibly in your closet.”

“We’ll have to clean it out. You know, this place came child-proofed, but no one ever thought how much more a cat could get into.”

Kira laughed and Kylo pressed his face against the back of Bazine’s neck once more before gently putting her down beside Phasma. “Yes, yes, I know, you were very worried. See for yourself, she’s fine.”

She snuggled into Kira’s lap during glowbox time, Phasma stretching across Kylo and resting her head on Kira’s knee, where Bazine’s head also rested. Bazine drifted, enjoying the ear massage Kira was giving her, and quite content, until the human stopped petting her and both of them moved a bit, disturbing the calm tranquility of both felines.

“What on earth are they doing?” Phasma grumbled, blinking a few times and hopping to the floor. Bazine followed suit and stared in awe at their humans. They just…really didn’t know anything.

“That’s not how grooming works,” Bazine said as they pressed their mouths together.

“That’s a little better,” Phasma said as they moved and Kylo reached out to run a hand through Kira’s hair, “but you should try biting the back of her neck.”

The humans continued their clumsy attempts, completely ignoring all the sage advice being offered by their feline overlords. When they stood, Kira tugging Kylo by the hand into the sleeping room, Bazine ran ahead, jumping onto the bed she sometimes shared with Kylo. “Okay, bring her over here, Kylo, and make sure you pet her shoulders!”

“No, no, not like that,” Phasma said, stalking in behind their humans. “Don’t pet her there!” She shook her head in disgust, jumping up beside Bazine. “She’s going to bite you, but not in the good way!” Phasma added.

“One minute,” Kylo said, stepping into the washing room. There was a creak and a rattle and then—

“CATNIP MOUSE!” Bazine cried, bounding off the bed and into the living room to catch the toy where Kylo had so carelessly tossed it, Phasma hot on her heels. They almost didn’t notice the door closing with a firm click, too intent on the precious catnip mouse.

When they did, they no longer cared about the grooming habits of their humans, although Baz was a little miffed about not getting to follow the usual path for middle of the night crazed kitty races, and Phas kept muttering absently that Kira would sleep through her scheduled human litterbox time if they weren’t in the room to wake her at precisely 5:47AM.

“Don’t worry, Love,” Bazine said, pushing the catnip mouse to Phasma. “We’ll just sing them the song of our people at 4:19. That always reminds Kylo to open the door when he goes all silly human and forgets me out here.”

“Good plan, Dear,” Phasma said, passing the catnip mouse back to Bazine.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bazine and Phasma celebrate an Ascension, meet a new 'friend,' and finally convince the humans to merge homes.
> 
> _“Hey! Hey! Baz! Phas! Guess what? I know—I know a thing! New neighbor! You’ll get one! No more! Empty balcony! Isn’t that GREAT?”_
> 
> _“Sure BB,” Baz muttered. New neighbor, eh? Well, the last time that happened it had brought her Phasma, but still, someone should have checked with her first before giving away the extra balcony again._
> 
> _Phasma rolled onto her back. “Hm, yes, great, if it wasn’t the vet,” she hissed._
> 
> _“Vet?” the canine yelped. “Where? Oh no! Somebody cover my butt!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Implied/Referenced death of a pet.**  
>  It's not sad (not for the cats anyway-the humans just don't understand that the ultimate goal of every feline is to ascend to a higher plane of existence).

Bazine blinked a few times and grimaced at the blurry, upside down wall. Why on earth would Kylo turn their world the wrong way? Something moved, tickling her feet, and she jerked her paws in close to her body before striking out, claws at the ready.

“Ouch,” Phasma grumbled, as Bazine clamped her teeth on the blurry white thing that landed on her face. “Again, OUCH! Baz, that is my TAIL!” Phasma tried to sit up and then flopped back into the carpet. “Oh, dear and blessed Bast, what crushed me last night?”

Oh, right, now she remembered. “Catnip mouse,” Baz said softly, twitching her whiskers and flexing her claws at the ceiling as she attempted to assess whether she could move from her current (extremely undignified) position.

Nope. Not yet.

She flexed her paws a few more times, kneading the air.

“What is wrong with them? What was IN that mouse, Ben?”

“Catnip,” Kylo muttered. He paused. “I probably shouldn’t have trusted Uncle Luke when he said it wasn’t that strong.”

Kira made a snorting noise. “Ben, Phasma is still DROOLING and Baz is upside down on the floor and trying to knead the ceiling.”

“Well, it kept them occupied.”

Kira made a humming sound, followed by the weird, wet smacking noises they kept making when they put their mouths together instead of just licking one another properly. Baz tried again, knowing their humans needed their expert help and advice. She managed to roll onto her side—mostly, anyway—but she was turned the wrong way and couldn’t even see them. She swatted at Phasma’s tail as it tried to settle over her nose again, getting a grumble and intentional tail flick from her mate.

“Humans!” Baz cried, knowing she sounded piteously weak. “Humans, please, I can’t walk, and you’re _still_ doing it wrong!” Kylo made a sound of irritation (good, at least he understood her plight finally) and she heard the glorious sound of his footsteps approaching, the lighter and shorter thumps echoing his signifying Kira followed. As her human lifted her into his arms, Baz gave a pitiful whine and pressed her head against his chest, purring in time with the rhythmic thumping she heard and felt there.

“Poor baby. I’m sorry, I won’t ever trust Luke’s catnip recommendations again. Yoda was clearly a junkie.” He stroked her head just right and Baz allowed herself to fall back at an angle, watching her beloved receive similar treatment from Kira.

It was confusing, though. Kira seemed…sad? Bazine looked back up at Kylo, finding him in a similar state. She tried to ask what was wrong but couldn’t as his arm flexed and she found herself unable to breathe as he crushed her against his chest and pressed his forehead against the back of her head. He did that sometimes, when he was sad or scared or lonely and didn’t want anyone to know, and she wanted to take care of him, really she did, but she also

Really.

Needed.

To.

Breathe.

“Kylo. _Kylo._ **KYLO!** ”

She twisted—or tried to—but he ignored her attempts at freedom a moment longer. “Please don’t leave me anytime soon, Baz,” he whispered.

“Understand, they do not,” came a voice from just above the chair cave.

“Master Yoda?” Phasma said, and Baz bumped her head against Kylo’s chin in understanding before turning to gaze at the far wall.

“ _Ascended,”_ Bazine breathed, seeing the faint glow of the elderly sphynx cat calmly sitting on the wall, not falling or even needing his claws to maintain position now that he was no longer subject to gravity’s hold.

Phasma squirmed and jumped (really, fell, but later Baz would let her claim she jumped) from Kira’s arms then stumbled over to the seat atop the chair treasure cave. She stared up at Master Yoda in awe and began, as was only right, the song of their people. Baz squirmed, getting a roar and an ouch from Kylo in her haste, but that would just have to be dealt with later. She joined Phasma, picking up halfway through the first of the seventy-two stanzas as she landed lightly in the seat beside her mate.

“What is _wrong_ with them?” Kylo said. “Even with Luke’s ‘special blends’ Baz has never been this crazy before.” Bazine ignored him, as she and Phasma raised their voices in joy, reciting the dream of all cats through time.

Master Yoda sighed in benign contentment at their worship.

“Oi! Hold still, Ben, she got you good, you need bandages. Where are your plasters?” Kira said, interrupting the section about planes of existence with no canines.

Phasma curled her nose in annoyance but moved smoothly into the fourth stanza, the one describing free-flowing fountains of cream and not being sick after drinking it.

There was a rattling sound from the far side of the living quarters and Kira called out something about redwood height men and shelves.

Master Yoda walked up to the ceiling and resumed his seated posture, head bobbing along to his favorite bit in stanza seventeen about rolling in fields of wild catnip.

Stanza seventeen and the humans weren’t back…oh well. They would just miss the bits about ascending to greatness and fish jumping from rivers to present themselves as dinner. She leaned against Phasma as they moved on to the middle.

After the end of their recitation of the great song, Bazine and Phasma took turns lapping delicately at the water dish in the kitchen and decided to nap in front of the balcony doors, basking in the sun’s rays and blessed in the knowledge they had been chosen to sing Master Yoda’s ascension service.

The humans didn’t reappear until after the second scheduled nap of the day, just in time to refill the food bowl. They smelled like one another, and the washing liquids Kylo kept in the bathing room (the only place Bazine avoided even more diligently than the big basins in the food room). Kira left for a bit but didn’t make Phasma go with her and was back before dinner.

After that day, both cats and their humans were nearly inseparable during home times. Sometimes they even crossed over to Kira and Phasma’s home space and stayed there.

Inside shiny tree season came, and the dreaded water bottle appeared on the counter, standing guard over the shiny things across the room, glitter and lights taunting Bazine and Phasma from the low branches. On the Day of the Blessed Boxes, Kira put a collar on Bazine, complete with bell to match Phasma’s, and Phasma stared in adoration as Baz accepted and purred her happiness.

Baz wasn’t the only one who got a collar, though. Kira cried (silly girl, it was a happy time) as Kylo mumbled and stuttered about happiness and devotion and forever and gave her a shiny metal hand-collar with a sparkly thing on top.

Even better, they went into the sleeping room for a while and let Bazine and Phasma have _all_ the boxes and paper and ribbons while they were gone.

To her annoyance, the newly revised schedule Bazine and Phasma had only _just_ finalized was disrupted again over the next few days, as boxes appeared, were emptied, and promptly removed again before Bazine could even climb inside and thoroughly inspect them. Once the activity with the boxes stopped, though, Kira and Phasma stopped leaving, and Kira made sure to open the balcony door for them every morning before her human playgroup time.

Even better, she’d moved the plants, chairs, cushions, and fuzzy blankets to Bazine’s balcony so they no longer had to go back and forth if they didn’t want to.

When BB showed up on the Wexley/Connix balcony again, the additional distance made it easier to ignore the incessant yapping of the unfortunate creature, though Baz did humor him occasionally. His humans liked to gossip, and he did prove once again to have useful information.

“Hey! Hey! Baz! Phas! Guess what? I know—I know a thing! New neighbor! You’ll get one! No more! Empty balcony! Isn’t that GREAT?”

“Sure BB,” Baz muttered. New neighbor, eh? Well, the last time that happened it had brought her Phasma, but still, someone should have checked with her first before giving away the extra balcony again.

Phasma rolled onto her back. “Hm, yes, great, if it wasn’t the vet,” she hissed.

“Vet?” the canine yelped. “Where? Oh no! Somebody cover my butt!”

“Nice one, love,” Bazine said, as BB darted into the far corner of the other balcony and whined to be let inside.

“No, really, I’m deathly serious, my darling one,” Phasma said, opening one eye and looking at Baz. “Don’t you remember? She came to dinner the other night, kept chattering to Kira and Kylo about how excited she was to be their neighbor.”

“Wait, Rose? The female human that knows her name? _She’s_ the Vet?”

Phasma nodded and rolled to her side, stretching her legs in the sun and giving a couple lazy flicks of her tail.

“She didn’t smell so bad, and I think she has feathered things in a cage. We could study them, learn how to catch one.”

“Hm,” Phasma uttered, already half-asleep again.

Bazine cuddled against her back, pulling in her paws and wrapping her tail around herself before she followed suit. After all, they were 37 seconds late on their next scheduled balcony nap.

Rose the Vet settled in soon after, and kindly put out extra cushions and toys for Bazine and Phasma. “Hello ladies, how are you this fine morning?” she asked from her balcony.

“Just lovely, thank you for asking,” Phasma said, never pausing in her grooming.

“These are Millie’s, but she won’t be visiting for a while, so you’re welcome to come over any time,” Rose said.

“Thank you, very kind,” Bazine said, already eyeing the cat tree in the corner with the soft sleeping basket.

Phasma had padded over and sat down beside Bazine, staring up at Rose in interest. “Did you say Millie? You don’t mean…” she took a delicate sniff… “Is it really?” She turned from the human to Bazine in wonder. “Millicent,” she breathed.

“The Chosen One?”

“Smell!”

Baz turned and took a delicate sniff. The breeze was blowing their direction for once, and Bazine rumbled in excitement. “Carrier of the Future!”

The pair launched themselves to what was once Phasma’s balcony and now had the honor of holding items belonging to the Chosen One, Millicent. “Well, I suppose that’s a yes, then,” Rose said with a laugh. She watched them inspect every inch of the balcony and everything on it. “Well, I have to go, now. Duty calls and all.” The pair settled into the sleeping basket as Rose the Vet went inside and closed the balcony door. She looked at them through the glass and turned the clicking thing so they wouldn’t be able to open the doors.

Oh well. Other than the feathered things, everything of interest was out on the balcony anyway.

Days passed in a happy blur, until their finalized schedule was once again rudely interrupted by humans.

So. Many. Humans.

There were feet and voices and so many smells, and it was time for dinner and glow box cuddles! Bazine stalked through the room, tail straight up and occasionally flicking in annoyance. Phasma was already hiding in the sleeping room, under the bed.

Some of the humans she knew, at least. Kylo’s parents. Rose the Vet. BB’s humans. Luke. There were others who smelled vaguely familiar, too, ones she’d smelled on Kylo or Kira after their work playgroups or ‘family dinner night’ whatever that was supposed to mean—how could it be ‘family dinner’ if Bazine and Phasma weren’t there?

“If I could get everyone’s attention for just a moment,” Kylo said, Kira at his side by the balcony doors. “Sorry it’s so cramped. I can’t believe it rained AND the banquet hall was double-booked.” There were laughs from some of the humans, smiles from others. Kylo started to speak again and was interrupted by the doorbell. He frowned in that direction and started to take a step.

“I’ll get it,” called Rose the Vet, already closest to the door. She opened it and a tall, ginger man with a basket in his arms stormed in.

“Hux?” Kylo said, blinking in confusion.

“Armie, what the hell are you doing here? I thought you said you had to work?” Rose the Vet said, following basket-man.

“You!” the man shouted, plowing through the room. The other humans separated to clear his path, and Baz stared in awe. How did he do that? It was almost cat-like. “Skywalker! I have been trying to contact you for months now. What do you have to say for yourself?”

Luke blinked. “I’m sorry, who are you?”

“Oh, pardon me, I was distracted,” a voice said from the basket as Phasma wove through the crowd to settle beside Bazine. “I’m Millicent,” the voice continued, “and this is my human, General Hugs, Destroyer of Worlds, and mate of Rose the Vet.”

Bazine and Phasma purred and bowed their heads in reverence. Millicent, the Chosen One.

“Well, Skywalker, I’m waiting.”

“Armie, seriously, what the hell?” Rose the Vet practically growled, tugging at his suit jacket. “Go across the hall and wait for me. You are making a scene.”

“Not yet, I’m not.” He paused and turned to Kylo and Kira. “Congratulations, by the way.”

Luke stared down into the basket. “How much?” he whispered.

“What?”

“For all of them? How much do you want?”

“I…I…Rose’s bill? I suppose?”

“Deal!”

Luke took the basket and sat on the floor with it. A beautiful ginger cat climbed out and then leaned back in with a reverent purr before standing and depositing something in the human’s lap. She did it again, and again, and once more, before leaning in one final time and turning around to survey the room, eyes alighting on Bazine and Phasma. She glided over to them and deposited the last of her kittens at their feet. “I was chosen to carry them, superior coat and all, you see.” They nodded.

“Of course,” Phasma said.

“Obviously,” Baz added.

“I wasn’t meant to raise them, though.”

“That is the way of things,” Phas said sagely, pretending not to notice as the tiny, naked kitten with marmalade stripes on his skin where his fur should have been nuzzled into her.

“They’re weaned, and smart and strong, and I admit I _will_ miss them,” Millicent continued, “But, well, it’s my human, you see. He requires extra care and attention.”

Phasma was purring and licking the kitten, already claiming him as her own. The tiny creature mewed up and Bazine and she couldn’t resist any longer. She leaned in and nudged him closer to Phasma who picked him up gently by the back of the neck and carried him off to the safety of the sleeping room.

“Blessings upon you, Millicent, Chosen One of Master Yoda,” Bazine said with a final dip of her head as she dashed off after her mate and the Child. He’d tell them his name when he was ready.

The humans tried to protest after everyone left and they discovered the Child remained (well, Kylo protested), but Kira and Phasma and Bazine all stared at him as the Child made a valiant effort to climb his trouser leg.

He sighed. “Fine. But he needs a name, and he better not destroy anything,” Kylo said weakly, reaching down and extricating the tiny claws from his clothing.

The Child rolled onto his back in Kylo's hand, presenting his paws with a happy meow, and Kira cooed in delight as Bazine and Phasma leaned against one another. “Oh, look at the toe beans on his tiny little baby murder feet!”


End file.
